Quotes & Jokes by Dane Cook / page 15
When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.
It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.
The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.
Don't let's someone walk all over you unless you're into that kind of thing.
I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.
I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
I'm willing to write a check for $10,000 if someone can bring to me what I fell is ruining thousands of lives, destroying lives everyday. And I know that you know it's a little thing called Chupacabra.
Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
When you and your friends are just hanging out, you don't consider your buddies to have one specific style of comedy, you just like to shoot the shit, and whatever is funny works. And that's my mentality on stage. I don't care to be like "I'm the performer. Sit, listen, and laugh." I want it to feel like we're all just hanging out. And that's how I tell my stories.
I don't care if you laughed at that or not, the next time you hear that shit, you're gonna be like, "Haha. That Dane Cook is a silly bitch!"
I believe in people getting what's coming to them but don't hold grudges either. We all hurt people, fail and hopefully grow from adversity. Basically, eat shit and thrive.
I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
It was a personal achievement of mine to get on David Letterman. When I got there, I knew things were really happening for me.
True love is when you’re cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!