Quotes & Jokes by Dane Cook / page 15
When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance, so if the right script comes along, and I certainly am reading comedies and dramas now, then I'm ready willing and able to give it a shot.
Why do they call it the restroom? Is there anybody just resting in this room?
I’m making a porno film today. Well, kinda. There’s no sex or people in it. It’s mainly time lapse video of landscapes eroding over time.
Don't let's someone walk all over you unless you're into that kind of thing.
The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.
I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
Life is too short to waste your time, energy and love on a fucking asshole.
I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."