Quotes & Jokes by Dane Cook / page 15

I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance, so if the right script comes along, and I certainly am reading comedies and dramas now, then I'm ready willing and able to give it a shot.

It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.

Life is too short to waste your time, energy and love on a fucking asshole.

I’m making a porno film today. Well, kinda. There’s no sex or people in it. It’s mainly time lapse video of landscapes eroding over time.

I’m more of a glass empty kinda guy. I look at it as having more room for ice.

I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.

Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.

When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.

The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.

It really drives me banana sangwich.

I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.

I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.

Here’s another way to be remembered, and this one, this is more personal. It’s more for you because nobody is ever going to know that it was you, but you’ll know, and that’s all that matters. Next time you go to a party, a great big party, go into the room where all the coats are: Shit on the coats. Guaranteed, at some point somebody’s gonna walk out of that room and go, "Someone shit on the coats!"