Quotes & Jokes by Dane Cook / page 16

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.

When you and your friends are just hanging out, you don't consider your buddies to have one specific style of comedy, you just like to shoot the shit, and whatever is funny works. And that's my mentality on stage. I don't care to be like "I'm the performer. Sit, listen, and laugh." I want it to feel like we're all just hanging out. And that's how I tell my stories.

You never make secret hallways normal height, they always have to be uncomfortable. Like Why the fuck did I build them like this?! Where's my Lab!?!

I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.

It's the greatest when your girlfriend says to you, "dude... you need to go and get laid."

Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!

I'm really great in other peoples relationships.

Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single and lonely then it's called Laundry Day.

True love is when you’re cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!

In the year 3000, everything will be instant.

People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.

When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.

You know you're drunk when you think that the cab fare is the time.

Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.