Quotes & Jokes by Dane Cook / page 16

It really drives me banana sangwich.

Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.

I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.

The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.

Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."

I don't care if you laughed at that or not, the next time you hear that shit, you're gonna be like, "Haha. That Dane Cook is a silly bitch!"

I've lived in LA for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't any more.

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.

Why do they call it the restroom? Is there anybody just resting in this room?

Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!

People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.

True love is when you’re cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!

In the year 3000, everything will be instant.

I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'

When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.