Quotes & Jokes by Dane Cook / page 16
True love is when you’re cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile!
In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak.
Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."
I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
I've lived in LA for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't any more.
People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.
You never make secret hallways normal height, they always have to be uncomfortable. Like Why the fuck did I build them like this?! Where's my Lab!?!