Quotes & Jokes by Dane Cook / page 18

I’m a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.

Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.

I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.

I'm a late-night guy.

It's easy to point the finger at someone else and place blame. Go head try it it's fun. Pick anyone and start blame placing the shit outta them.

I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.

I get so into the moment.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it’s still a negative. You’re just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.

You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.

Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.

You are the director of your own life story. Don’t cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.

I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.

You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.

My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.