Quotes & Jokes by Dane Cook / page 9
When a guy says "I have no idea what you're talking about" it means "I'm thinking of exactly what you're saying I did while I lie to you."
Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.
You know what's so weird, why does this happen? This is a weird thing... phenomena. Alright. Sometimes guys, you're having sex right, and everything's going great, everything's, you know, NEAUNNNNEEEEEAAAUUU, right? When all of a sudden, there's a voice that comes into our brains and starts telling us to say shit. Like, "Yeah, say that, say that, it's perfect. Say that right now," right? So you're like, "Yeah, fucking say that," and you just grab her hair and you whisper, "Eeeyeaa," and you don't think about it, you just say it . "Yeaaah, fucking say things. You hear what I say? You like that, huh?"
I don't like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juice wears tights.
If you’re “willing to die” for a cause you should really find some other less potential death related interests.
How do you fall into a lion's den, that is my first question there, you think you would be extra carefull around a den of lions.
I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
If you're saying what are penguins like, they're a bit persnickety, I'll say that... Um, thank you, I have a thesaurus in my house.
When you swear to God, its true. Right now God is watching and saying, "this is true."
It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
You ever do a little delete game? Do you like to do that? You go through, you take your contactlist, sometimes you're just in the doctor's office right? You start scrolling through, you're like... who don't I need? Who don't I need in my life?