Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 21

People that say "I'm really sensitive" rarely are.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

Statistically speaking, when a woman says "I'm not going to have sex with you", she'll often have sex with you.

When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with "listen up doll face".

Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.

If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.

You know you’re too high when you’re eating cereal naked and your girlfriend is like “Put some clothes on” and you realize that it’s not your girlfriend. It’s just a woman on the bus.