Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 21

Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.

Statistically speaking, when a woman says "I'm not going to have sex with you", she'll often have sex with you.

I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another.

People that say "I'm really sensitive" rarely are.

Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.

If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.

You know you’re too high when you’re eating cereal naked and your girlfriend is like “Put some clothes on” and you realize that it’s not your girlfriend. It’s just a woman on the bus.