Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 20

I'll bet a lot more people would use the phrase 'go fuck yourself' more often if no one needed money.

People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.

If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high school.

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.

I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another.

Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said "southern and sassy, it's all good". Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.

I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.

The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it.

I'd spend more time with you if you were less like you.

Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.

I'm told anal sex is like Mariachi music. It hurts at first, but you get used to it, ultimately maybe even throw on a large hat and enjoy it.

Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.

I wish you'd say that to my face. Not because I'm offended, but because I'm lonely and could use the company.

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.

People that say "I'm really sensitive" rarely are.