Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 20
If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high school.
Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.
I'll bet a lot more people would use the phrase 'go fuck yourself' more often if no one needed money.
I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.
People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.
Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying "things just come to me" should be punishable by death.
I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with "listen up doll face".
Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.
Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.
People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.