Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 3
Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.
If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
I find your lack of intelligence endearing, but not in a way that would keep me from cheating on you constantly.
Just heard a guy say "pussy is my thing". Wow, guy really went out on a limb. Do you also like ice cream, and getting things for free?
If I were a woman, I would walk into church and say, "father, I'm not a sinner, but I think my vagina may have been possessed by the devil".
Somebody cut my bike seat. Think about that. What level of misery must you have experienced as a kid to see my 10-speed tied to a pole, pull out a blade and be like, 'Look at this rich mother fucker right here.' You know, like I control the banks because I own a Huffy. I'm the bad guy; I'm the guy you want to get back at.
Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.
Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.
Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.
Heard someone say "children are god's gift to the world". What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?