Quotes & Jokes by Greg Behrendt / page 8

If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.

If he's unsure, then he's unsure, and that's an answer - unsure is 'no.' The phrase 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you' really is this. The first 'I love you' means, 'I don't want to hurt you.' The second one means, 'I'm not in love with you.' That's bad news. 'I'm not in love with you' is 'I'm not in love with you.'

If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’ get frustrated and go away.

Better than nothing is not good enough for you!

I'm in an abusive relationship with butter. And I'm the only one getting hurt.

Just because he’s busy doesn’t make him more valuable. “Busy” does not mean “better”.

So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.'

Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You are deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.

Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.

I don't have to edit myself. I get to be me, warts and all, and that's ultimately what people want, and to trust each other implicitly.

I'm about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call. Remember men are never to busy to get what they want.

Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you.

Why wouldn't he be, he's the son of God? He's not gonna be walking around going, 'Oh, I've got back fat today. I'm so puffy.'

I'm no longer a prisoner of my fears. Which really just means I'm using real butter.

Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.