Quotes & Jokes by Greg Behrendt / page 9

Why wouldn't he be, he's the son of God? He's not gonna be walking around going, 'Oh, I've got back fat today. I'm so puffy.'

I'm no longer a prisoner of my fears. Which really just means I'm using real butter.

She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.

When we’re picking someone who we want to spend a lot of time with, even perhaps for the rest of our lives, we generally try to pick someone who likes to do the things we like to do.

I'm certain prison is pretty rough as it is but imagine if you were a murderer and a foodie!

If we’re friends with someone and attracted to them, we’re going to want to take it further.

If a man is really into you, nothing will stop him from being with you - including a fear of intimacy.

Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would...

At this point in time, that's like saying you're not 'into the phone.'

Having feelings doesn’t mean you have to have sex.

So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.

Feeling in love and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear.

Let’s start with this statistic: You are delicious. Be brave, my sweet. I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find out that there’s something better out there is to first believe there’s something better out there. What other choice is there?

The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.

I like the idea that when a guy comes over to the house, I get to say I wrote the book.