Quotes & Jokes by Henny Youngman / page 15
A bum told me, “I haven’t tasted food all week.” I told him, “Don’t worry, it still tastes the same.”
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, “Are you comfortable?” The guys says, “I make a good living.”
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!"
Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.