Quotes & Jokes by Henny Youngman / page 15
I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."
I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!"
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, “Are you comfortable?” The guys says, “I make a good living.”
A bum told me, “I haven’t tasted food all week.” I told him, “Don’t worry, it still tastes the same.”
Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.