Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 13
A free book that comes to my house full of nothing but women in their underwear? God Bless America!
There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.
Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!
You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
You might be a redneck if you empty the bed of your pickup truck by driving backwards really fast and then slamming on the brakes.
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "Hey!" or "How Y'all Doin'?"
You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.
You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
You might be a redneck if you are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You might be a redneck if you've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
You might be a redneck if your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
My mom thinks my new daughter is exceptionally bright, because now she will lie on the floor and talk to the ceiling fan. I said, "Mom, Uncle Harold does that and y'all call him an alcoholic."
If you’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog, you might be a redneck.