Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 17
You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
You might be a redneck if you burn your front yard rather than mow it.
People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.
You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."
You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.
You might be a redneck if you think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
You might be a redneck if you have used a bar stool as a walker.
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
You might be a redneck if you think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.