Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 18

You might be a redneck if... Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

If you think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

You might be a redneck if bikers back down from your momma.

People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

You might be a redneck if there is more oil in your cap than in your car.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You might be a redneck if you've ever shot a deer from inside your house.

You might be a redneck if there is a wasp nest in your living room.

You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

You might be a redneck if someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."

I was talking to Alan Jackson. He had his second Greatest Hits album. He said, You don't ever get into this really thinking you're gonna make it.

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.