Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 18

You might be a redneck if... Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You might be a redneck if your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."

You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

You might be a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

You might be a redneck if you clean your nails with a stick.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

You might be a redneck if there is more oil in your cap than in your car.

If the gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.

You might be a redneck if you've ever shot a deer from inside your house.

You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.