Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 20

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

You might be a redneck if there is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

You might be a redneck if your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"

You might be a redneck if you've ever bought a used cap.

I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.

You might be a redneck if someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

You might be a redneck if you use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.