Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 21

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

You might be a redneck if you've never paid for a haircut.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.

You might be a redneck if your wife's hairdo attracts bees.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.

You might be a redneck if your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

You might be a redneck if your best ashtray is a turtle shell.

You might be a redneck if you've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.