Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 21

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

You might be a redneck if your best ashtray is a turtle shell.

You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.

You might be a redneck if your wife's hairdo attracts bees.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

One in the morning, you have people waiting for a booth to open at a Waffle House.

You might be a redneck if the rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.

You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.

You might be a redneck if you fainted when you met Slim Whitman.

You might be a redneck if there is a wasp nest in your living room.

You might be a redneck if you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

If your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.