Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 21

One in the morning, you have people waiting for a booth to open at a Waffle House.

You might be a redneck if the hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to "git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn..."

You might be a redneck if you've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

You might be a redneck if your wife's hairdo attracts bees.

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When she is in a good mood it turns blue, but when she is in a bad mood there is a red mark across my forehead.

I was like, 'Have you all heard me talk?' You know, nobody's making Seinfeld live in Indiana.

I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

You might be a redneck if your best ashtray is a turtle shell.

You might be a redneck if you own a homemade fur coat.