Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 22

You might be a redneck if you own a homemade fur coat.

My wife is like, You finally get your own TV show, you can have any kind of car you want and you get a darned truck. But my brother and I have the same kind of truck now.

You might be a redneck if you fainted when you met Slim Whitman.

You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

If birds are attracted to your beard, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When she is in a good mood it turns blue, but when she is in a bad mood there is a red mark across my forehead.

You might be a redneck if you participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

You might be a redneck if someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

You might be a redneck if you consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

People always ask me, "Did you see Larry's latest movie?" I always say, "No, but I flushed a ten dollar bill down the toilet, so I feel like I've seen it."

In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.

This woman came up to me at the book signing. She had the biggest butt I have ever seen in my life. And you've seen these kind of people. They're like, from the waist up, they're built kind of normally. And then from the waist down, it's like an explosion took place.