Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 23

If birds are attracted to your beard, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if you list your parole officer as a reference.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

You might be a redneck if you own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

You might be a redneck if you consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

You might be a redneck if you keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You might be a redneck if you participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

People always ask me, "Did you see Larry's latest movie?" I always say, "No, but I flushed a ten dollar bill down the toilet, so I feel like I've seen it."

You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.

You might be a redneck if you can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.