Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 23

You might be a redneck if you keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

You might be a redneck if you were shooting pool when your kids were born.

You might be a redneck if you’ve got more than three cousins named "Bubba."

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

You might be a redneck if the diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".

You might be a redneck if you've ever shot anyone for looking at you.

You might be a redneck if your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.

You might be a redneck if you think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't "juicy".

You might be a redneck if your back porch is bigger than your house.

You might be a redneck if you list your parole officer as a reference.

You might be a redneck if you've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.