Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 24

You might be a redneck if your back porch is bigger than your house.

You might be a redneck if you participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".

As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.

I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.

You might be a redneck if an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

You might be a redneck if you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.

You might be a redneck if you list your parole officer as a reference.

You might be a redneck if you pick your teeth from a catalog.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a silly movie.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

You might be a redneck if your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

This book is just a collection of my drawings. I never really showed them to anybody but my wife, and she always laughed at them.

You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

You might be a redneck if someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.