Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 24
You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't "juicy".
You might be a redneck if you have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if you were shooting pool when your kids were born.
This book is just a collection of my drawings. I never really showed them to anybody but my wife, and she always laughed at them.
You might be a redneck if you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
You might be a redneck if your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.
You might be a redneck if... your child's first words are 'Attention K-Mart shoppers!'
The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.
If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!