Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 24
If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't "juicy".
You might be a redneck if your back porch is bigger than your house.
You might be a redneck if you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.
You might be a redneck if you have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You might be a redneck if you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
You might be a redneck if you list your parole officer as a reference.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
If you think the French Riviera is foreign car, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
You might be a redneck if somebody hollers "ho-down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.