Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 24
You might be a redneck if your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the front yard.
You might be a redneck if you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.
You might be a redneck if you list your parole officer as a reference.
You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
You might be a redneck if you got into a fistfight at your last yard sale.
You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.
I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.
If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
You might be a redneck if somebody hollers "ho-down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
You might be a redneck if you have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.