Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 26
You might be a redneck if momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
People always ask me, "Did you see Larry's latest movie?" I always say, "No, but I flushed a ten dollar bill down the toilet, so I feel like I've seen it."
If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
You might be a redneck if you gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
The CMT folks, there was a genuine enthusiasm that I've never had in television before on the executive side.
You might be a redneck if you have a rag for a gas cap on a car that does run.
You might be a redneck if your dad's cell number has nothing to do with a telephone.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
You might be a redneck if... your child's first words are 'Attention K-Mart shoppers!'
You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
You might be a redneck if any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.
You might be a redneck if you have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
You might be a redneck if your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.