Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 27

You might be a redneck if there are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

You might be a redneck if you smoked during your wedding.

You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

You might be a redneck if you've ever used lard in bed.

You might be a redneck if the ASPCA raids your kitchen.

You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

You might be a redneck if your masseuse uses lard.

The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.

You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

You might be a redneck if Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

You might be a redneck if your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.

You might be a redneck if you have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.

You might be a redneck if you just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.