Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 29
You might be a redneck if you've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
You might be a redneck if in tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart... you might be a rednneck.
You might be a redneck if there has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
You don’t get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.