Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 30
You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
You don’t get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.
People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
You might be a redneck if your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
You might be a redneck if your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.