Quotes & Jokes by Jeff Foxworthy / page 30
You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
You might be a redneck if your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
You don’t get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.
You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
You might be a redneck if your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
You might be a redneck if you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.