Quotes & Jokes by Jim Carrey / page 6

I haven't been as wild with my money as somebody like me might have been. I've been very safe, very conservative with investments. I don't blow money. I don't have a ton of houses. I know things can go away. I've already had that experience.

Now you know the house rules, no !@#$% after eleven

Christmas was really where I started coming into my own as a performer because I did all this stuff on my own, all this performing on my own, When other kids were outside playing, I was in my room conjuring characters and impressions and things like that.

Nice jump, Spider-Man!

Holy Testicle Tuesday!

If I had never ventured beyond being a stand-up comic, then I would be sitting in my house today working on my Leonardo DiCaprio impression.

I absolutely want to have a career where you make'em laugh and make'em cry. It's all theater.

You were never there for me were you mother? You expected Mike and Carol Brady to raise me! I'm the bastard son of Claire Huxtable! I am a Lost Cunningham! I learned the facts of life from watching The Facts of Life! Oh God!

This country has helped define me and make my dreams come true.

Morgan Freeman is so class. He's so cool. He's so scary.

Life is an ordeal, albeit an exciting one, but I wouldn't trade it for the good old days of poverty and obscurity.

Either you're the one erasing or you're the one being erased.

How about you go over and introduce yourself, build me up, that way I don't have to brag about myself later.

I have been the guy who has everything but yet is so one-track minded about what I want, that I can't see my blessings.

Hey man. It's me again. I was just taking a whizz. Thought you might have called. Okay, later.