Quotes & Jokes by Lenny Bruce / page 4

"Sex" and "obscenity" are not synonymous.

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do...."

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

I want to perform an unnatural act.

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.

A lot of people say to me, “Why did you kill Christ?” I dunno… it was one of those parties that got out of hand.