Quotes & Jokes by Phyllis Diller / page 9
Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
One night I asked Fang to kiss me goodnight. He got up and put on his work clothes.
Some bad things have been happening to me. A pervert called me. Five times. Collect. And that damn fool won't tell me where he lives. And my fan club broke up today. The guy died.
I joined an astrology club and every week we meet and discuss the stars. This week we're discussing Paul Newman.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don’t kiss; we touch gloves.
Fang said if they had used my figure for the hourglass, the day would be very short.
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.