Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 3

You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to.

Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like "We have to get rid of dictators", but he's pretty much one himself.

If you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? Carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.

Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.

And if you want a linguistic adventure, go drinking with a Scotsman. Cause you can't fucking understand them before.

What's wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can't we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity and decency and, God forbid, maybe even humor. Death is not the enemy, gentlemen. If we're going to fight a disease, let's fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"

Baby, were your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special...

Sucking all the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone.

I love you with every cell, with every atom. I love you on a subatomic level.