Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 4

I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.

If you've ever thought of jumping off of a tall building, there was a guy who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. He survived, and he said this, he said "halfway down, I thought it was a bad idea."

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

Texting and driving at the same time is like jerking off and juggling at the same time. Too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.

When the Williams sisters play tennis, it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I'm in.

The human spirit is more powerful than any drug and that is what needs to be nourished with work, play, friendship, family. These are the things that matter.

I have one question for the ladies: Do we look like this?

The Chinese had accused the Tibetans of being terrorists, which is weird. A Tibetan terrorist is like an Amish hacker. It just doesn't fit.

If you masturbated with your left hand, would it be like being touched by a retarded person?

I don't know why I made the raccoons Irish, but it works.

You have to break in half to love somebody.

The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?"

God, maybe instead of resting on the seventh day you should of thought about compassion.

I had my back waxed once by two women... and at one point they said, "Do you mind if we take a break?"

In California, we are a sixty percent Hispanic state, we elected an Austrian governor. Even old Nazis are going "That's weird."