I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.
Robin Williams Quotes and Jokes
Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
I was an only child. I did have kind of like a lonely existence. The idea of being a character who is kind of isolated, I can relate to that.
Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P., shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.? 'cause if it leaks to the V.C. he could become a M.I.A. and then we'd all be put out on K.P.
You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.
Politicians are a lot like diapers. They should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.
When they named a hurricane "Hurricane Ike", I went "finally, they have the balls to name a hurricane after a crack smoking, wife beating motherfucker."
As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them. You will do shit that even the Devil would go "dude..."