Robin Williams Quotes and Jokes

195 quotes

I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.

I'm talkin 'bout a fine white wine... like Mad Dog 20/20.

I was an only child. I did have kind of like a lonely existence. The idea of being a character who is kind of isolated, I can relate to that.

Sometimes it’s more noble to tell a small lie than to deliver a painful truth.

When they named a hurricane "Hurricane Ike", I went "finally, they have the balls to name a hurricane after a crack smoking, wife beating motherfucker."

You must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all.

I feel like Adam when he said to Eve, "Back up, I don't know how big this gets."

It's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut.

Texting and driving at the same time is like jerking off and juggling at the same time. Too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.

As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them. You will do shit that even the Devil would go "dude..."

Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

I love you with every cell, with every atom. I love you on a subatomic level.

And if you want a linguistic adventure, go drinking with a Scotsman. Cause you can't fucking understand them before.

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees?

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.