Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 5

Death is nature's way of saying, "Your table's ready."

I had my back waxed once by two women... and at one point they said, "Do you mind if we take a break?"

You'd think all of these "atypical" somethings would add up to a typical something.

She is not perfect. You are not perfect. The question is whether or not you are perfect for each other.

But only in their dreams can men be truly free It was always thus and always thus will be.

We constantly stress defense and that was the difference.

Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party.

Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!

They're talking about partial nuclear disarmament, which is also like talking about partial circumcision - you either go all the way or forget it.

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees?

The definition of insanity is repeating the same action expecting a different outcome. And we elected him the second time, the whole world went "what the fuck is going on with you people?"

Go pump some neurons. Expand your craniums.

What is a stealth bomber? It's a bomber that doesn't show up on radar, and you can't see it. Then we don't need one.

They tell me now that SpongeBob is gay. SquarePants is not gay. Tight pants maybe. SpongeBob Hot Pants? You go, girl!

It isn’t about understanding, it’s about not giving up.