Quotes & Jokes by Roseanne Barr / page 4
Finding a calm place inside myself through meditation kind of helped me to get over a lot of mental illness, it's just been a really great thing in my life.
I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California I have to go to prison don't I? I think you only get three.
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.'
This producer was a woman, a type I became acquainted with at the beginning of my stand-up career in Denver. I cared little for them: blondes in high heels who were so anxious to reach the professional level of the men they worshipped, fawned over, served, built up, and flattered that they would stab other women in the back. They are the ultimate weapon used by men against actual feminists who try to work in media, and they are never friends to other women, you can trust me on that.
There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.
I had one kid with the birth control pill, I had one with the diaphram and I had one with the I.U.D. I don’t even know what happened with my I.U.D. It never came out. But I have my suspicions because that kid picks up HBO.
To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian.
My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.
I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh. Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do.
There isn't any "New Man". The New Man is the old man, only he whines more.
Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.