Quotes & Jokes by Sandra Bernhard / page 4

Once you're heterosexual and comfortable with that, you don't need to take out an announcement every day.

Everybody has their own way of tapping into their realness.

A remembrance can mean nothing to the one remembered; it can only remind the ones left behind how little they did while you were still alive.

I think comedy is definitely a more male oriented field - social commentary, political commentary - I think it's just easier for men to get up and say whatever they want. But I don't think there's that many women who really want to put their toe in the water either. It's not the easiest life or lifestyle to get out there and kind of shake the shit up.

I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes.

I don't like surgery. I don't like elective surgery, I don't like surgery that you have to have.

I would be dishonorable in a relationship because I wasn't getting what I wanted from that person.

I'm not saying I'm some high priestess. I do things, I'm sure, that are damaging, but it's certainly not on purpose.

I like doing new material in LA. It's very challenging.

I'm somebody who can absorb a lot.

Things are so scary and intimidating with AIDS and the right wing that people are looking for somebody to just give them safe harbors.

I've always been opposed to groups. I can't believe the doctrine of group is going to work for every single person within the group.

There are few performers who would have had the audacity to even bring up the fact that they had been poorly reviewed.

I believe in people living their lives and having privacy.

I don't believe in karma.