Quotes & Jokes by Sandra Bernhard / page 4

Hip doesn't really come into play anymore as far as I can tell.

I didn't belong when I was in high school. Now people are trying to buy lips.

The fumes are killing us, and we wonder why things are going haywire.

I'm very much a humanist. I'm very much pro-choice. I'm very much politically correct.

How far can we go? How much can we absorb and still have some peace of mind?

Kids need to be educated about sex and sexuality and if they're going to have sex, learn how to protect themselves and not get pregnant.

I don't like surgery. I don't like elective surgery, I don't like surgery that you have to have.

I would be dishonorable in a relationship because I wasn't getting what I wanted from that person.

I don't believe in karma.

I'm not saying I'm some high priestess. I do things, I'm sure, that are damaging, but it's certainly not on purpose.

I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes.

I like doing new material in LA. It's very challenging.

I've always been opposed to groups. I can't believe the doctrine of group is going to work for every single person within the group.

I believe in people living their lives and having privacy.

There are few performers who would have had the audacity to even bring up the fact that they had been poorly reviewed.