Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 13
Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.
His view of the world is one that keeps his blood pressure low, sweeping the cholesterol from his relaxed, freeway-sized arteries. Everyone knows he is going to live till age ninety, although the question that goes begging is, "for what?"
Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.
There was a time in my life when I was very interested in relationship psychology. Relationships end, but they don't end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.
We are comfortable, collectively, that those 12 [shootings] are related.
I just brush it off and try to make a joke about it. Over the years it's been interesting.
He doesn't understand the subtleties of slights and pains, that it is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.
The real joy is in constructing a sentence. But I see myself as an actor first because writing is what you do when you are ready and acting is what you do when someone else is ready.
I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness.
A celebrity is any well-known TV or movie star who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.