Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 12

As a school board we felt it's an unfair expense to families. The lawsuit has a certain logic to it - if you have free public education, you can't put these things on top of it. It defeats the purpose.

...you're nuts but you're welcome here.

I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.

Unlike Ray Porter, his love is fearless and without reservation.

There's a point when you're famous and it's unbearable to go out because you're too famous. And there's a moment when you're famous just right.

To be with another woman, that is French. To be caught, that is American.

It takes time though for owners and trainers to invest that additional purse money to start cultivating that better racing product.

She has learned that her body is precious and it mustn't be offered carelessly ever again, as it holds a direct connection to her heart.

Or is it that I think too much?

I would assign every lie a color: yellow when they were innocent, pale blue when they sailed over you like the sky, red because I knew they drew blood. And then there was the black lie. That's the worst of all. A black lie was when I told you the truth.

Only then does he realize what he has done to Mirabelle, how wanting a square inch of her and not all of her has damaged them both, and how he cannot justify his actions except that, well, it was life.

With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, and hilarious.

I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that.

The auction houses seemed not as dull as their financial counterparts on Wall Street, where parents of daughters imagined glass celings and bottom patting.