Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 12

As a school board we felt it's an unfair expense to families. The lawsuit has a certain logic to it - if you have free public education, you can't put these things on top of it. It defeats the purpose.

I saw the movie, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and I was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realised why: they're crouching and hidden.

These times are much franker. For example, in the first movie we have to assume that the daughter and the son-in-law who got married were lovers before they got married. That could never have been in the '50s.

I wrote a novel this year called "Shop Girl", and several producers came to me and wanted to turn it into a movie. And I said, "If you think you`re going to take this book and change it around, and Hollywoodize it and change the ending... that`s going to cost you."

I'm surprised even now that I was aware of things like that at that age. I don't know why. But I decided I would just rather not do them. So I quit for a while.

...you're nuts but you're welcome here.

The auction houses seemed not as dull as their financial counterparts on Wall Street, where parents of daughters imagined glass celings and bottom patting.

To be with another woman, that is French. To be caught, that is American.

I would have felt a little funny if another actor was playing this role.

Or is it that I think too much?

Only then does he realize what he has done to Mirabelle, how wanting a square inch of her and not all of her has damaged them both, and how he cannot justify his actions except that, well, it was life.

With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, and hilarious.

Unlike Ray Porter, his love is fearless and without reservation.

I just think they should get a fair shake. They didn't. They didn't have the rights regular criminals get.

I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.