Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 6

I never touched a gun in my life. That and that alone forever doomed me to middle management.

You kill me and I'll see that you never work in this town again.

I am a wild and crazy guy!

I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.

They're going to ask those questions.

Comedy is not pretty.

Well, we're just gonna have to use our brains.

These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make.

Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

The environment changed with Martha Stewart and Enron.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.

It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.

Private companies have a lot of capital. They can run things efficiently and get projects built.

Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.