Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 8
When someone less capable is ahead of me, I am not pleased. It makes me insane.
How is it possible to miss a woman whom you kept at a distance, so that when she was gone you would not miss her?
Come on, let's sing one of the old tunes. "When you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam, Diarrhea."
There are some people that will not pick up a phone and call you, but if you knock on a door and talk to them, they'll talk back to you.
People come up to me and say "Steve, what is film editing?" And I say "How should I know? You're the director."
I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church every Sunday unless there's a game on.
Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.
I used to smoke marijuana. But I'll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening - or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . But never at dusk! Never at dusk, I would never do that.
Lacy was just as happy alone as with company. When she was alone, she was potential; with others she was realized.
The self-prepared dinner is a great time killer for lonely people and as much time should be spent on it as possible.
So she viewed time spent in the land of the normal as an investigation into the world of marriage-worthy men, even if she was unsure about her own interest in marriage. There must be one solid citizen who also had a spark of life, a sense of humor and adventure.
First I get my name in the phone book and now I’m on your ass. You know, I'll bet more people see that than the phone book.