Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 8

192 quotes

What is a movie star? A movie star is many things. They can be tall, short, thin, or skinny. They can be Democrats... or skinny.

So she viewed time spent in the land of the normal as an investigation into the world of marriage-worthy men, even if she was unsure about her own interest in marriage. There must be one solid citizen who also had a spark of life, a sense of humor and adventure.

People come up to me and say "Steve, what is film editing?" And I say "How should I know? You're the director."

I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I solved the case of the Murdered Girl with the Big Tits.

There are some people that will not pick up a phone and call you, but if you knock on a door and talk to them, they'll talk back to you.

Well, excuuuuuse me!!!

Lacy was just as happy alone as with company. When she was alone, she was potential; with others she was realized.

Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.

Sure, you can start now. Fire the janitor.

I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church every Sunday unless there's a game on.

First I get my name in the phone book and now I’m on your ass. You know, I'll bet more people see that than the phone book.

When someone less capable is ahead of me, I am not pleased. It makes me insane.

Anyway, seeking work is a tad difficult given the poor design of the streets with their prohibitive curbs and driveways that don't quite line up.

It's not what you know, it's what you think you know.

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.