Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 9

I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.

A girl who is willing to give every ounce of herself to someone, who could never betray her lover, who never suspects maliciousness of anyone, and whose sexuality sleeps in her, waiting to be stirred.

It's not what you know, it's what you think you know.

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.

Mirabelle is attractive; it's just that she is never the first or second girl chosen.

Right now we're teaching them that the game is fun. If they learn it's fun, they always go back to it again in clinics and in schools.

I saw the movie, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and I was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realised why: they're crouching and hidden.

If you've got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've got 71 cents left; But if you've got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've still got seventeen grand. There's a math lesson for you.

Yeah, well, we're all writers, aren't we? He's a writer that hasn't been published, and I'm a writer who hasn't written anything.

She had destroyed whatever was between us by making a profound gaffe: She met me.

It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it: The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.

Anyway, seeking work is a tad difficult given the poor design of the streets with their prohibitive curbs and driveways that don't quite line up.

When you’re reaching for a star, there’s a long way to fall.

There are few takers for the quiet heart.

We're going to look at it again in June, we just want to make sure we when we do increase purses we can sustain it, we wouldn't want to have to go back once we increase it.