Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 9

Right now we're teaching them that the game is fun. If they learn it's fun, they always go back to it again in clinics and in schools.

It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it: The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.

Yeah, well, we're all writers, aren't we? He's a writer that hasn't been published, and I'm a writer who hasn't written anything.

It's almost as if someone took a saltine cracker, crumbled it and threw it in the air. These casinos were barges, on the water, and they were destroyed.

The self-prepared dinner is a great time killer for lonely people and as much time should be spent on it as possible.

A girl who is willing to give every ounce of herself to someone, who could never betray her lover, who never suspects maliciousness of anyone, and whose sexuality sleeps in her, waiting to be stirred.

She had destroyed whatever was between us by making a profound gaffe: She met me.

There are few takers for the quiet heart.

She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn't, because he didn't care.

I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.

How is it possible to miss a woman whom you kept at a distance, so that when she was gone you would not miss her?

When you’re reaching for a star, there’s a long way to fall.

I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.

I didn’t worry if a bit got no response, as long as I believed it had enough response to linger.

We're going to look at it again in June, we just want to make sure we when we do increase purses we can sustain it, we wouldn't want to have to go back once we increase it.