Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 38

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

Every now and then I like to lean out my window, look up and smile for a satellite picture.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo... He got pretty good... He could go under a rug...

What do batteries run on?

I got tired of calling the movies to listen to what is playing so I bought the album.

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?

I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.'

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?