Quotes & Jokes by Steven Wright / page 39

I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet.

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo... He got pretty good... He could go under a rug...

Is it possible to be totally partial?

The sky already fell. Now what?

If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?"

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding.

What are imitation rhinestones?