Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 14

Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there possibility of a group discount?

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

The heart wants what it wants.

I knew I was in love. First of all, I was very nauseous.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.

Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end.

Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.