Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 14

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

I knew I was in love. First of all, I was very nauseous.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.

Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

My God! I beat a man insensible with a strawberry!

Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you.

In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.