Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 24
As we know, for centuries Rome regarded the Open Hot Turkey Sandwich as the height of licentiousness.
I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
It's something that occurs to me many times in my movies. They can often be treated comically or dramatically, and I usually opt to treat them comically. But it occurred to me that you could get a story and you could fool around with it both ways.
Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It’s a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.
I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don’t care about the films. I don’t care if they’re flushed down the toilet after I die.
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don't always win.
The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also thereis the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held.