Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 24

Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said "No."

You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don't always win.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.

Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It’s a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.

Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.

As we know, for centuries Rome regarded the Open Hot Turkey Sandwich as the height of licentiousness.

Take the money and run.

My movies are more popular in France than back at home. The subtitles must be great.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don’t care about the films. I don’t care if they’re flushed down the toilet after I die.

I am at two with nature.

I have also reviewed my own financial obligations, which have puffed up recently like a hammered thumb.