Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 24
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
I idolized Superman when I was younger. I thought he and I had a lot in common. He was always going into phonebooths and taking off all his clothes.
Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.
The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.
I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.
The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also thereis the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held.
Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It’s a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don’t care about the films. I don’t care if they’re flushed down the toilet after I die.
As we know, for centuries Rome regarded the Open Hot Turkey Sandwich as the height of licentiousness.
I have also reviewed my own financial obligations, which have puffed up recently like a hammered thumb.