Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 24

Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It’s a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

As we know, for centuries Rome regarded the Open Hot Turkey Sandwich as the height of licentiousness.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Take the money and run.

My movies are more popular in France than back at home. The subtitles must be great.

It's something that occurs to me many times in my movies. They can often be treated comically or dramatically, and I usually opt to treat them comically. But it occurred to me that you could get a story and you could fool around with it both ways.

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don’t care about the films. I don’t care if they’re flushed down the toilet after I die.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.

I am at two with nature.

I have also reviewed my own financial obligations, which have puffed up recently like a hammered thumb.