Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 23

I've always liked, someday the lamb will lay by the lion... but it won't get much sleep.

You always think another time would have been ideal for you... the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist.

I bought her this handkerchief... and I didn't even know her size.

I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher - they are going to make a board game out of it.

Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.

Engrave this Quote Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained.

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.

Living is messy.

There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dark about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.

I can levitate birds. No one cares.

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

I idolized Superman when I was younger. I thought he and I had a lot in common. He was always going into phonebooths and taking off all his clothes.

Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.