Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 23

Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?

Take the money and run.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher - they are going to make a board game out of it.

There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dark about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope.

I bought her this handkerchief... and I didn't even know her size.

Now is the time to strike. The Leader is at great handicap, he has no head or body!

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

I idolized Superman when I was younger. I thought he and I had a lot in common. He was always going into phonebooths and taking off all his clothes.

Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.