Alan King Quotes and Jokes

19 quotes

A short summary of every Jewish holiday: "They tried to kill us; we won; let’s eat!"

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

I was worried about the ground, and while I thought it was quicker than ideal, there was no jar.

The best definition of an honest politician is one who… when he is bought, stays bought.

Banks have a new image. Now you have a friend, your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

Jesus saves, Moses invests.

Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?

I think he has a hell of a chance on rain softened ground and he probably represents our best chance for a Festival victory.

Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It'a a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.

It was nice to see Chocolate outriding the Flat jockey.

A river in Cleveland caught fire… what did they put it out with?

Modesty is not one of my virtues.

Once they make their commitment, they have to stay with that commitment, ... They have to live with that decision.

However, even under the best of circumstances, four-year graduation rates for the next few years will be substantially lower than those in the three provinces.