Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 3

In my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee.

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.

You know my father's favorite game? "Come here and pull my finger."

We're the geniuses of the house because only a person intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

It says here that you are a compulsive gambler and that you are wanted by the police. Is this correct?

Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

In spite of the seven thousands books of expert advice, the right way to discipline a child is still a mystery to most fathers and... mothers. Only your grandmother and Ghengis Khan know how to do it.

Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

What's your name again? That's right. I'm so glad you know your name.

I was lying, of course: that's what parents do best.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

I asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic, he told me how he killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.