Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 3

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

In my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee.

It says here that you are a compulsive gambler and that you are wanted by the police. Is this correct?

We're the geniuses of the house because only a person intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.

Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug.

In spite of the seven thousands books of expert advice, the right way to discipline a child is still a mystery to most fathers and... mothers. Only your grandmother and Ghengis Khan know how to do it.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

What's your name again? That's right. I'm so glad you know your name.

I was lying, of course: that's what parents do best.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.