Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 4
When the child is twelve, your wife buys her a splendidly silly article of clothing called a training bra. To train what? I never had a training jock. And believe me, when I played football, I could have used a training jock more than any twelve-year-old needs a training bra.
I asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic, he told me how he killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
I'm not sure if my parents had me because they loved me, or because they wanted someone to watch their other children.
No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel that in-person contact with people is the most important thing in comedy. While I'm up on stage, I can actually put myself into the audience and adjust my pace and tuning to them. I can get into their heads through their ears and through their eyes. Only through this total communication can I really achieve what I'm trying to do.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.
The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.
My wife and I have five children; the reason we have five children is because we do not want six.
On many young actors that don't give their parents proper credit: I'm still waiting for some actor to win, say, an Oscar... and deliver the following acceptance speech: I would like to thank my parents, first of all, for letting me live.
My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!