Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 11

If nobody is clear on what you're protesting, it's not a protest. Thousands of people gathered in London this week to voice their disapproval of the G-20. Their basic message being, "Stop all your globalizing and unite the world!"

Government - they used to teach it in college. It's actually something you should study and learn and know how to do. The Republicans always run on the idea that government isn't very effective. Well, not the way you do it. But it can be effective.

I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?

Clinton could have done a better job with the hurricane while having sex.

We’ve been on a long break and I’ve just been kicking back, doing nothing. Like our government.

Jim Bakker spells his name with 2 k's because 3 would be too obvious.

The "Power of One" is a slogan - not a goal.

When sex is good theres nothing better, when its bad its not bad.

You can't claim you're for peace if you're not willing to disturb it.

Remember, guns don't kill people - unless you practice real hard.

A new cologne is coming out. It's for cowboys, and it's made from cow's manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!

Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor.

We do it all the time, we legislate taste. We do it with the tax code. Churches and children get a tax break, because it's assumed that we all agree that we want to encourage churches and children. I don't. I don't. That's my opinion. I don't want to encourage either churches or children, and it's a very bad idea to put them together.

I have a theory that the Internet makes people stupider - and also FOX News makes people stupider.

If you, the citizen, deliberately vote for someone who won’t give you healthcare over someone who will, you need to have your head examined. Except you can’t afford to have your head examined.