Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 11
I have a high state of resentment for the conformity in this country. If you`re not married and having children, it`s like your life is empty or you`re a communist meanie.
If conservatives don't want to be seen as bitter people who cling to their guns and religion and anti-immigrant sentiments, they should stop being bitter and clinging to their guns, religion and anti-immigrant sentiments.
We’ve been on a long break and I’ve just been kicking back, doing nothing. Like our government.
I'm supposed to be all re-injected with yes-we-can fever after the big health care speech, and it was a great speech - when Black Elvis gets jiggy with his teleprompter, there is none better. But here's the thing: Muhammad Ali also had a way with words, but it helped enormously that he could also punch guys in the face.
You can't claim you're for peace if you're not willing to disturb it.
If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too.
We have a Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
If you, the citizen, deliberately vote for someone who won’t give you healthcare over someone who will, you need to have your head examined. Except you can’t afford to have your head examined.
I think pornography stops rape, AIDS ribbons are stupid, and flag burning makes me feel patriotic.
If nobody is clear on what you're protesting, it's not a protest. Thousands of people gathered in London this week to voice their disapproval of the G-20. Their basic message being, "Stop all your globalizing and unite the world!"
It's so childish, "greatest country in the world." It's like saying, "I have the best wife in the world. Not just the one best suited for me, the best wife in the world. And if you could have my wife, you'd kill your wife."
Clinton could have done a better job with the hurricane while having sex.