Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 14
My generation didn`t face the kind of urgent, pressing issues that my parents did, who fought through a war and a Depression and know what suffering is. That`s why Bob Dole had a tough time with this electorate. He was an old-fashioned curmudgeon who knew about sacrifice, and we didn`t know if we could live up to his standards. But we knew we could live up to Bill Clinton`s. He`s more like one of us.
Did you hear this – Sarah Palin finally heard what happened in Japan and she’s demanding that we invade Tsunami. I mean she said, "These Tsunamians will not get away with this". Oh speaking of dumb twats, did you...
Jesus is not a candle. A company in South Dakota is selling candles with the scent of Jesus. You light one and your friends says, "Christ, what's that smell?"
I am so tired of rearranging my life around what the stupidest people might do.
That’s America for you - a red herring culture, always scared of the wrong things. The fact is, there are a lot of creepy middle-aged men out there lusting for your kids. They work for MTV, the pharmaceutical industry, McDonald’s, Marlboro and K Street.
This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.
Only cowards push a button from thousands of miles away, or tens of thousands of feet up, to kill people who can't possibly fight back.
I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
If conservatives get to call universal healthcare "socialized medicine", I get to call private, for-profit healthcare "soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain".
We don't like mystery. You like mystery, 'cause it's not a mystery to you; you know when you're gonna get laid.
People on the right say to people like me, "Oh, you hate America." And I always say, "No, I love America. I want it back. I don't want you representing it. I don't want torture representing it." If I hated it, I'd be okay with being represented by the torturers.
My father said, "Bring along your best girl." This is something you say to a pimp!
In no way was I intending to say, nor have I ever thought, that the men and women who defend our nation in uniform are anything but courageous and valiant, and I offer my apologies to anyone who took it wrong.