Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 15

When sex is good theres nothing better, when its bad its not bad.

My father said, "Bring along your best girl." This is something you say to a pimp!

God makes trees, he doesn't write books.

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?

George Bush says, "Gore's book needs a lot of explaining." Of course, Bush says that about every book.

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.

In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.

There's no greater model, in my view, than Jesus Christ.

Only cowards push a button from thousands of miles away, or tens of thousands of feet up, to kill people who can't possibly fight back.

The food is out of this world!

A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors and scrutinized its citizens' everyday existence. And then they excused themselves to go watch "Big Brother".

Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group.

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?