Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 16

You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery.

Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group.

The food is out of this world!

I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.

And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.

George Bush says, "Gore's book needs a lot of explaining." Of course, Bush says that about every book.

A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors and scrutinized its citizens' everyday existence. And then they excused themselves to go watch "Big Brother".

God makes trees, he doesn't write books.

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?

I believe in God, I just give him more credit than being a single parent and an author.

I am so tired of rearranging my life around what the stupidest people might do.

Again, America is a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.

The country can't get well if the people are sick. And the people are sick.

There's no greater model, in my view, than Jesus Christ.