Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 16

I am so tired of rearranging my life around what the stupidest people might do.

The food is out of this world!

There's no greater model, in my view, than Jesus Christ.

The president is not doing well with African Americans. His popularity rating - his approval rating - with blacks: two percent. Two percent. That is somewhere between Mark Fuhrman and sickle cell anemia.

And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.

Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group.

God makes trees, he doesn't write books.

I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.

A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors and scrutinized its citizens' everyday existence. And then they excused themselves to go watch "Big Brother".

George Bush says, "Gore's book needs a lot of explaining." Of course, Bush says that about every book.

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?

I believe in God, I just give him more credit than being a single parent and an author.

In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.

The country can't get well if the people are sick. And the people are sick.