Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 16

Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can’t the rest of us make them go away?!

Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group.

The food is out of this world!

I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.

There's no greater model, in my view, than Jesus Christ.

The president is not doing well with African Americans. His popularity rating - his approval rating - with blacks: two percent. Two percent. That is somewhere between Mark Fuhrman and sickle cell anemia.

And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.

God makes trees, he doesn't write books.

A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors and scrutinized its citizens' everyday existence. And then they excused themselves to go watch "Big Brother".

I believe in God, I just give him more credit than being a single parent and an author.

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?

George Bush says, "Gore's book needs a lot of explaining." Of course, Bush says that about every book.

In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.

Again, America is a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.