Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 16
The president is not doing well with African Americans. His popularity rating - his approval rating - with blacks: two percent. Two percent. That is somewhere between Mark Fuhrman and sickle cell anemia.
You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery.
A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors and scrutinized its citizens' everyday existence. And then they excused themselves to go watch "Big Brother".
Anyone who is elected mayor of a place called "Sin City" is allowed to be a drunk.
Bush didn't really win on his popularity last time. He won on scaring people that Kerry might do something stupid like, I don't know, sell the ports to the Arabs.
This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.
The country can't get well if the people are sick. And the people are sick.
And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.
I get the Playboy thing a lot. People assume I go out with bimbos. I couldn`t go out with bimbos if I tried! I scare them off! The women that like me are smart. So I go to the Playboy Mansion four or five times a year, but people think I go all the time.
I believe in God, I just give him more credit than being a single parent and an author.
The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.
Don't say a woman is crazy just because she runs away from her wedding.
I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.