Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 16

Why are there so many puritans in this country, and why can’t the rest of us make them go away?!

God makes trees, he doesn't write books.

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.

We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.

I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.

Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group.

I believe in God, I just give him more credit than being a single parent and an author.

And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?

I get the Playboy thing a lot. People assume I go out with bimbos. I couldn`t go out with bimbos if I tried! I scare them off! The women that like me are smart. So I go to the Playboy Mansion four or five times a year, but people think I go all the time.

In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.

There's no greater model, in my view, than Jesus Christ.

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?

Mr. President, there are some people who are never going to like you. That's why they voted for the old guy and Carrie's mom. You're not going to win them over. Stand up for the 70% of Americans who aren't crazy.

The country can't get well if the people are sick. And the people are sick.