Quotes & Jokes by Bill Maher / page 16

The food is out of this world!

Anyone who is elected mayor of a place called "Sin City" is allowed to be a drunk.

I get the Playboy thing a lot. People assume I go out with bimbos. I couldn`t go out with bimbos if I tried! I scare them off! The women that like me are smart. So I go to the Playboy Mansion four or five times a year, but people think I go all the time.

You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery.

The president is not doing well with African Americans. His popularity rating - his approval rating - with blacks: two percent. Two percent. That is somewhere between Mark Fuhrman and sickle cell anemia.

A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors and scrutinized its citizens' everyday existence. And then they excused themselves to go watch "Big Brother".

And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.

God makes trees, he doesn't write books.

I believe in God, I just give him more credit than being a single parent and an author.

I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.

Again, America is a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.

In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.

George Bush says, "Gore's book needs a lot of explaining." Of course, Bush says that about every book.

The country can't get well if the people are sick. And the people are sick.