Quotes & Jokes by Bo Burnham / page 7

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

I think that God might think I’m gay... what does he know anyway?

I’m going to take a Viagra and hit you all with a rock hard misdirection.

I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.

I’m a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.

Did you poop a virgin? ‘Cause that shit is tight.

I'm constipated, couldn't give a shit.

YouTube is a place for people to share their ideas. If by people you mean 13 year old girls and by ideas you mean how they love the Jonas Brothers.

No one entertains the thought that maybe god does not believe in you.

I stopped and I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?”<br /> So I didn’t exist.

I masturbate ‘cause I’m the only one whose standards are low enough to FUCK ME.

Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.