Quotes & Jokes by Bo Burnham / page 7
I don’t watch you when you sleep. Surprisingly I don’t use my omnipotence to be a fucking creep.
They say, if you want to know what a girl is going to look like, look at her mother, ya know. So I am so glad that I broke up with her, cuz uh, she would been uh, you know... dead.
Give me the bottle, I’ll chug two thirds, ‘cause you bitches know fractions speak louder than words.
I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.
YouTube is a place for people to share their ideas. If by people you mean 13 year old girls and by ideas you mean how they love the Jonas Brothers.
No one entertains the thought that maybe god does not believe in you.
It’s a show that I hope feels intimate in theme, but bigger in presentation. I love Tim Minchin, Bill Bailey and Hans Teeuwen and I’m trying to synthesise elements of theatre into my show a little bit more. I want it to be surprising and rich and fun to watch, and maybe a little confusing. It’ll be very loud and very quiet and very sad and very happy, with things that have you leaving the theatre going, "what..." And not "what" with a question mark; just "what", period.
I masturbate ‘cause I’m the only one whose standards are low enough to FUCK ME.
I stopped and I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?”<br /> So I didn’t exist.