Quotes & Jokes by Bo Burnham / page 7

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I’m thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.

I think that God might think I’m gay... what does he know anyway?

They say, if you want to know what a girl is going to look like, look at her mother, ya know. So I am so glad that I broke up with her, cuz uh, she would been uh, you know... dead.

I’m a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.

I’m going to take a Viagra and hit you all with a rock hard misdirection.

Did you poop a virgin? ‘Cause that shit is tight.

YouTube is a place for people to share their ideas. If by people you mean 13 year old girls and by ideas you mean how they love the Jonas Brothers.

I'm constipated, couldn't give a shit.

No one entertains the thought that maybe god does not believe in you.

I stopped and I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?”<br /> So I didn’t exist.

I masturbate ‘cause I’m the only one whose standards are low enough to FUCK ME.

Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.