Quotes & Jokes by Bo Burnham / page 7

I think that God might think I’m gay... what does he know anyway?

They say, if you want to know what a girl is going to look like, look at her mother, ya know. So I am so glad that I broke up with her, cuz uh, she would been uh, you know... dead.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

Did you poop a virgin? ‘Cause that shit is tight.

I’m a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.

I’m going to take a Viagra and hit you all with a rock hard misdirection.

I'm constipated, couldn't give a shit.

YouTube is a place for people to share their ideas. If by people you mean 13 year old girls and by ideas you mean how they love the Jonas Brothers.

I stopped and I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?”<br /> So I didn’t exist.

No one entertains the thought that maybe god does not believe in you.

I masturbate ‘cause I’m the only one whose standards are low enough to FUCK ME.

Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.