Quotes & Jokes by Bob Newhart / page 5

When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's nowhere to go. You've done the drum role and the cymbal clash and you're out on the end of the plank.

This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.

Don't be silly and don't waste your time.

Well I was much too practical to presume to have a career in comedy.

I really don't know what makes a comedian. I think it's a family background and environment. Yet if you put the same ingredients in another person, he may never utter a funny line.

I kind of do it in my head, then I'll try pieces of it on stage and if it looks promising, I'll put it together.

Humor's a weapon if you want to make it one.

You never know when you'll come upon something and it's going to be fodder for new material.

I've been told to speed up my delivery when I perform. But if I lose the stammer, I'm just another slightly amusing accountant.

The first time I got up in front of an audience was terror, abject terror, which continued for another four or five years. There still is, a little bit.

I don't have a show anymore. I don't have a check coming in every week. This is important to me, I got to score a million tonight or it could all be over.

I think you should be a child for as long as you can. I have been successful for 74 years being able to do that. Don't rush into adulthood, it isn't all that much fun.

I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much.

I feel more comfortable in comedy.

I wouldn't want that man as my psychologist.